The response I had to my blog about depression and losing weight was truly overwhelming. Thank you to everyone who commented, responded and emailed me! I had a lot of women emailing saying that they share a similar story. I didn’t know when I wrote it that so many people would read it. Some things are just meant to be said, I guess. I’m glad it was on my heart, and if it moved you in some way – I’m grateful and honored.
I had a lot of questions regarding losing weight and I wanted to follow up with a few answers. To me, it was never about losing weight. I never said – I’m going to lose 10, 11, 12lbs… I’ve known for a while that if I dropped a few I’m sure I’d feel better, but I never went in thinking “I have to get to THIS number.” No. What happened is I addressed the problem inside – in my heart and in my head and then everything else started falling into place. Once I was able to see and think clearly again – I stopped thinking negatively, stopped overeating, stopped thinking I needed sugar to fill me up… It literally was ONE DAY AND ONE DECISION AT A TIME. Once I was clear again I was able to see and KNOW that each positive decision ADDS UP. Every positive decision snowballs into another one.
My depression had been building over years. But when I got out of my publishing deal in April then spent 6 months writing my ass off, getting cuts and meeting after meeting I just couldn’t get a deal…I started going down. So, essentially I didn’t (and still don’t have) a full time job. I felt worthless. I felt like my music didn’t matter and the work that I’ve put into this business for 8 years meant nothing… That’s when it got bad. When my life seemed mundane, I didn’t feel like myself, I was numb to all feelings and bed was the one thing that made me feel somewhat okay… I knew I needed help. I talked to a counselor at my church, my doctor and got on a low dose of medication. All of these things helped ME immensely, and led to finding more positive habits. Finding what works for YOU is super important. What works for me may not be for you.
I also want everyone to know that I’m not “fixed.” I might gain weight back, I might be sad some days… I still struggle daily, weekly… Some days are better than others, but this life is a JOURNEY. We don’t just take a pill and everything is ok. We don’t just take a pill and lose weight. Those are not healthy, sustaining actions that will truly make changes. To me, it’s about making choices, each one building on the next and eventually leading to awesome habits and a healthy lifestyle. Each and every day is a new chance to be better, improve and seek balance. We are beautiful messes and works in progress. Don’t be scared to look inside, take chances and trust yourself. YOU ARE WORTH IT.
(This pic was taken a few years back. It’s energy is how I want to feel each day of my life!!)