Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. –Denis Waitley
I have recently lost almost 15lbs. You would have never looked at me at said – she’s fat, wow, she needs to lose weight, but I did. Especially as a trainer, I needed to step it up. I’m now doing more personal training, and I want to be a person that my clients look up to…but there were some roadblocks in my way for awhile…
Unless you are one of my besties, you also would have never guessed that I went through a major depression the end of last year and am still battling daily (but waaaaay better.) Most people know me for my high energy and positive attitude…but those had turned to not wanting to get out of bed, isolating myself at home, sitting in my bed eating watching Netflix, and looking at everything through a negative lens. I’d wake up and find reasons to stay in bed 2, 3, 4 more hours, but eventually I would have to get up and put my mask on, pretend like I was fine, write songs and teach classes. I wasn’t a happy camper, but you would have never known.
Depression runs in my family – I mean BIG time depression, so it’s not unusual that I would end up battling it as well. I’ve been in the music industry for 8 years now, and last year I just got to a point where I said – WHY? Why am I continuing to do something that gives barely anything back? I had to ask myself some hard questions… Who is going to care that I wrote a Chris Young or Rascal Flatts song? What kind of legacy am I going to leave behind chasing this dream? Maybe a song here and there touches someone…a friend hears it and relates to it or a family member and they let me know, but for now that’s it. And believe me, every time that happens – it’s totally worth it, but many times I never even know if that happens… Something inside me feeds off of knowing I am positively affecting other lives out there.
Every single day when I go to teach class at Barry’s Bootcamp or I train one of my clients – I SEE and FEEL people changing their lives right in front of me. They trust me enough with that hour of their lives and believe in me enough to help them become the best version of themselves. Wow. Sometimes it leaves me speechless. I mean I’ve literally gotten high off of teaching a class! (And I’ve NEVER done drugs!!!) When I lived in NYC I helped a husband and wife lose over 100lbs a piece. THAT is what it is about. Those people will NEVER forget me, and that is what kind of mark I want to make on this world, on everyone I meet. One that truly makes a difference.
When I started focusing more on health – I realized if I’m going to be an inspiration to others – I need to look and feel inspired daily. I cut out all of the sweets that I LOVE more than anything and found healthy substitutes, really started only eating when I was hungry, amped up my running again, started a daily devotional, and starting personal training both online and one on ones. I’ve set new goals to look and feel the best I have in years and want to challenge others to do the same.
Blogging about healthy choices, recipes and inspiring messages, having people reach out to me who have made some of the recipes and hearing how I’M inspiring people – makes me happy and makes me feel like my daily life is worthwhile. This, my friends and family, and searching my heart is what has helped me overcome depression and is what keeps me going. It’s made me look at my life and want to be better. In turn – more than anything – all of the people that I inspire really inspire ME.
I continue to write songs and mentor young artist/writers, which is also so rewarding. I’m not writing as much as I have in the past…and I’m okay with that. I came here for music. I left an unselfish business of teaching workout classes and personal training for a selfish, unforgiving business. It’s taken 8 years of struggle, fighting depression, and a lot of heartache to realize what I’m truly grateful for. I’m grateful for my success in music, and no, I’m not throwing in the towel yet, but I’m learning that I’m even more grateful for every person who lets me know they enjoyed a class, a post, a quote, a recipe…that is what feeds my soul and makes me happy. So, I challenge you to ask yourself what REALLY makes you happy? What FEEDS you? What can you do that will help fill the emptiness inside and in turn leave a mark on this world?
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite manifestos. (I love it so much I have it as wallpaper on my wall in my bedroom!) Be happy my friends!!
PS – my next goal is build some hot muscles and take fitness pics for my websites!!! Here goes nothin’! 🙂